JtHM meets Love Hina:
by Tsumade Kaori
Summary: Possibly the most screwedup fanfic ever... Johnny the Homicidal Maniac aka Nny meets the girls from Love Hina. There will be a pairing, but I'm not going to tell you yet, so nyah. :P Enjoy the insanity! muahahaha
1. Buckets and Katanas

Note: I do not own JtHM or Love Hina, I only own the story :) enjoy the mayhem. And Doom. Lots of Doooooom.

Love Hina/JTHM Crossover

"Come on, Nny, follow me..." Mr. Eff called in a sing-"There's so much to do here, you see." Said Mr. Eff, "What with all the excessively cute animals, song voice as he bounded over the bridge.

"I don't think this is a good idea…" Johnny said, following. His spindly legs stumbled over the river rocks like a spider trying to balance on a pea. He hurried after Mr. Eff, eventually reaching a huge Japanese bathhouse. The sign read "Hinata Inn".

"Would you remind me again why we're in Japan?" Johnny asked.

Mary Sues, and shoujo sparkles, we've got plenty to destroy! Mweeheeheeheee!" Mr. Eff slid open the glass door and rushed in, with Johnny on his heels.

Mr. Eff ran through the building and came out another door leading outside to the hot springs. He jumped into one of the baths and waited with an evil, piano-like grin. Johnny caught up, panting to catch his breath, "What are you—" Mr. Eff quickly jumped out of the hot spring, pushed Johnny in, and ran off like a hamham on speed.

"Damn it…" Johnny muttered, sinking into the water. Then someone appeared. Someone very sexy and wearing only a towel, with long, light brown hair. By the look of her face and… other parts, she seemed to be about 17 years old. She felt her way over to the hot springs and slid into the steaming hot water.

"Ahh, it's so nice and warm in here." She said, "It was so cold this morning. Guess what, Kitsune?" Nny tried to get out of the water but slipped, making an nn sound. "I think my boobs went from a B to a C… but yours are huge. Like, Megatits of Doom. Can I touch 'em?"

Naru grabbed Nny's chest and he stiffened up, with a vein pulsing on his forehead. "Is this Kitsune or a pencil?" Naru asked. That did it. Nny jumped out of the bath and screamed, "You fcking human! Who do you think you are, you conceited little whore?! I'll kill you for calling me scrawny you stupid sack of feces!"

And then Nny hit Naru in the head with a steel bucket someone must have left while they were cleaning the hot springs. Which wasn't a very nice thing to do, but what did you expect? He's a homicidal maniac. Anyway, Naru fell on the tile, half in and half out of the bath, dripping blood. Nny noticed a small girl in the shadows by the steps, who "Eep-ed" and ran away. They ran up the steps and through covered walkways, dodging right and left with the twists and turns. It reminded Nny of a haunted mansion from an old storybook. Nny followed her up some wooden stairs to a porch, where a tall, ebony-haired girl was practicing kendo. "Why are there so many girls here?" Nny thought as he kept chasing the small one.

"Shinobu?" the kendo girl asked and chased after Nny.

Soon Kaolla Su was following, yelling "Motoko!!! Where ya going?" And so there came to be Scooby-Doo- style chase through Hinata-su.

Shinobu came to a closet, rushed inside, and slammed the door. Nny fell into it, and was crushed by Motoko and Su like an assembly line malfunction. Soft sobbing could be heard from inside the closet. "Hey!" Motoko yelled, "You made Shinobu cry!" Nny ignored her. He seemed to be deep in thought, listening to the sounds through the door.Motoko growled at his indifference."Don't you see that Shinobu's only thirteen? What kind of insensitive person are you to make a girl as sweet and innocent as her cry?"

"I'm sorry," Nny said, "but I don't really care."

Motoko's face went bright red, and Kaolla Su rushed forward to hold her back. "You... you..." Motoko stuttered. "I challenge you, whatever your name is!"

"What is your name anyways?" Kaolla Su asked.

"Johnny."

"Okies. So it's Johnny vs. Motoko for tha fight of tha century!" Kaolla announced. "All fighters, get ready!"

"I'll go prepare for the battle." Motoko said. She stalked off to her room to get her kendo gear.

"There's extra equipment in the shed. Just go out the back entrance and turn right. Good luck!" Kaolla said as she spun in a circle. Nny went down the hall to follow the blonde Islander's instructions.

"Is every -sniff- one gone?" came a small voice from the closet.

"Yup." Kaolla chirped. "The coast's clear." Shinobu stepped timidly out of the closet.

"We have to go help Naru." she said.

"Why? Where's Naru?"

"Uh, she's um..." Shinobu stammered, remembering the spurt of blood when Johnny hit Naru with the bucket, "She's in trouble. C'mon." she said and led Kaolla Su to the baths.

Meanwhile, Johnny was ready to meet Motoko's challenge. He was wearing the traditional kendo outfit: A , a helmet with a face protector, longsleeved shirt with a chestplate over it, A-line kendo pants, and sandals.

"I look rediculous." He thought, inspecting himself in the mirror. He pulled the pants out to the side, forcing cool air across his legs "There's _way_ too much breeze going though these pants... I feel naked. Do people actually enjoy this feeling?"

"It's a little like love, huh?" a voice from behind the door said in a Kansai dialect.

"Wha-what?" Nny stammered, a blush spreading across his face like a winestain.

A girl with short brown hair and slanted eyes revealed herself in the doorway. "That naked feeling is like love, when you feel like your soul is bared to them, letting your loved one see all your deepest fears and desires." When Nny just stared at her with confusion she continued, "Sorry for interupting sweetheart. My name's Kitsune."

"Well Kitsune," Nny said. His head was tilted down but Kitsune could see his eyes still watching her. "Do you think it's polite to enter someone's room and give them a cheesy pseudo-philosophical lecture?" He waited for Kitsune's answer. When she didn't offer one, he screamed, "Well do you!? By the way, I don't think you're one to talk about love. Judging by the fact that you walk around outside people's dressing rooms to get a peek at anyone, you probably haven't got much of a sex life, because that proves that you are untrustworthy and trust is the basis of a relationship. At least that's what Dr. Phil says. And Dr. Phil is god. Don't you think?" Kitsune didn't answer this question either. "You say it, bitch! Dr. Phil is god!"

"Okay..." a very confused Kitsune answered, "Dr. Phil is god."

"Louder."

"Dr. Phil is god."

"Whisper it in my ear."

"Is this really necessary?"

"Hm. Yes."

Kitsune leaned over and whispered, "Dr. Phil is god." in Nny's ear.

"What was I saying?" Nny began again, "Oh yeah, sex life. Not that that's an admirable thing to have, but all the same you shouldn't go around pretending to be someone you obviously aren't. Or have something that you don't. You get the idea." Johnny paused to stare off into space for a good thirty seconds. "I'll have to let you go for today. I've got a battle to fight. But if you say anything stupid to me again, well... your neck will be having a nice chat with my axe." and with that he left for the courtyard.

Motoko turned off the shower and stepped out. Her breath and the warm water on her body turned to steam in the crisp autumn air as her feet touched the slate floor around the hot springs. She looked in the hot springs and saw shafts of golden brown woven through the water along with clouds of deep red. "What the hell?" She got closer, "Naru!" she cried, and lifted Naru out of the water. Laying Naru on her lap, Motoko shook Naru, "Hey, Naru! Wake up!"

Naru blinked blindly, muttered "Nny..." and then slipped back into unconsciousness.

Motoko thanked the gods that Naru's head had landed out of the water, so that she didn't drown. Motoko lifted Naru and carried her into the house.

Shinobu kept pulling Kaolla Su by the arm. "Hurry up, Su! We have to help Naru!" Kaolla Su nodded and ran to keep up with her. They ran over to find an empty spring, with no evidence that anything had happened. "But... I thought she was here..." Shinobu said. _I didn't imagine that, did I? _she thought. _Am I g-going crazy?_ A dark look spread over Shinobu's face.

"Huh? What's wrong?" Su asked.

"Hey!" Motoko yelled from the house, "Kaolla Su! Shinobu! I need some help with Naru here!"

Shinobu let out a sigh of relief. "C'mon, Shinobu, Motoko's calling us." Kaolla Su said as she skipped to the doorway.

"Konbanwa Kaolla Su. Would you mind going to get a sleeping mat, blankets, and pillows for Naru?" Motoko asked.

"Sure." said Su.

"There should be some out in the shed. Thank you!" Motoko called after Su. "And Shinobu, could you get dry clothes and towels?"

"Uh-huh." Shinobu said, nodding her head. She went upstairs to get them.

"And I'll bandage her head." Motoko said softly to herself and opened the first aid kit.

Kaolla Su seemed to bounce down the dirt path leading to the shed. She did a cartwheel, backwards sumersault, and backflip fluently, as gracefully as an Olympic gymnast.

"You with the blonde hair!" Su looked around and saw Johnny in his kendo uniform, leaning haphazardly on his sword. "What happened to Motoko?"

"Oh, she got busy." said Su, "she probably won't be able to fight 'til tomorrow 'cause she's gotta take care of Naru. You should stay in the landlord's room tonight. The old lady who used to run this dorm is out touring the world, so the spot's open. Good night!" Kaolla said as she skipped off into the darkness. Nny turned and went back into Hinata-Su.

"Oh, so it's a girl's dorm," Nny thought, "Heh. I should have asked earlier."

Nny wandered the corridors, looking for the landlord's room. "Damn." he thought, "I bet there isn't even a landlord's room, I could swear I've checked every-- oof." He was cut off when he ran into Shinobu, whose eyes welled with fresh tears as she looked up at him. He couldn't help having a slight twinge of something like pity, but not quite... a perception of-- dare I say-- cuteness? They stood like that, close to eachother, before Shinobu soundlessly got collected herself and ran away.

X

(Nny's Diary)

Dear Die-ary, so many people, so little peace. Strange things happened today, and stranger things will probably happen tomorrow. Somehow, I can't wait.


	2. More Katanas

The next day after Johnny woke up, he peeked out the doorway, just to see if it was alright. Then he slithered out the door and down the hall until he heard a voice coming from the white paper door. He pressed his ear up against it, and then realized he didn't have to, as the inhabitants were talking loudly and paper walls have barely any sound muffling.

"Oh, Naru, you're up." it was Motoko's voice. Johnny strained his eyes to see the shadows through the paper. He could see a tall one, probably Motoko, kneeling over a lump on the floor that he supposed was Naru.

"Eh? Wha...?" Naru muttered.

"Do you remember anything?" Motoko asked.

"No, not r-- ugh! That creepy guy!" she shouted. Then, in a whisper, "Is he still around?"

"I think so... although I haven't seen him yet this morning."

Johnny took a step back from the door, wondering if he should go before they found him. Then something crashed into him, and he was covered in a pile of clean laundry. Shinobu tried to get her stuff back together, but then she noticed someone else under the clothes.

"Mmm... okay. I'm gonna get dressed, if you guys don't mind turning around for a while." Naru's voice came through the door.

Johnny pulled a shirt off his face; Shinobu saw him and screamed bloody murder. Kaolla Su jumped up and slid open the door, revealing Shinobu with eyes wide open in horror and Johnny with an apologetic grimace.

"Aaaaa!!! You bastard!" Naru screamed and covered her chest, blushing more with anger than modesty. She shot a venomous glare at Johnny, but couldn't move or she would end up showing more of her body. Johnny writhed under her gaze and inched slowly out of view.

A low growling could be heard, as it came to a peak, Johnny could hear Motoko say, "Rrrrun..." Her eyes flashed from under her hair, and she leaped up like a demon to streak after Johnny, who started to run. She chased him outside past the laundry room and to the bath, where he tripped on a pebble, flipped, and landed with his head at Motoko's feet. She raised her sword, and...

Well, that's all for now, folks! Will Nny be gutted like a skinny, creepy-as-hell fish; or will he find some half-baked plot hole to save him? Tune in... umm... soon enough for the next installment.

And please review. Even though this is obviously not my best work, I do love the little commentses. I love them gooooood. :3


End file.
